I wish they had signs like this in every city. Although, to be fair, it didn’t seem to stop the cabbies from playing it fast and loose with their horns. But I still appreciate the official nature of it all.

2. New Yorkers don’t believe in grocery shopping. Okay, maybe that’s not fair. But the city certainly doesn’t make cooking for yourself overly convenient. And even if you do manage to stumble upon a store, it certainly won’t be budget friendly. More than likely it will be called “Gourmet Grocer” or “Fancy Supermarket”. They might as well be named If-Your-High-Priced-Manhattan-Rent-Doesn’t-Bankrupt-You…-Feeding-Yourself-Will. What happened to Food Basics, No Frills and Price Chopper? I don’t know how New Yorkers do it.

3. Fortunately, one way in which Manhattan is the same as many other places lies in the fact you can still find little kids trying to save up by selling baked goods outside their houses. Granted, they’re doing it on the pavement in front of a massive apartment building rather than the end of a driveway but they’re out there trying to bring home the bacon none the less. Plus they’re bound to draw far more traffic than I ever did on my suburban lane. Man, those New Yorkers learn about “Location, location, location” from a very young age!

2) Do not assume just because you and someone else are getting on planes to the same destination 15 minutes apart, you will wind up in the same place. You may, in fact, end up on opposite ends of the airport, miles apart. And then both think you’ll be the wise and helpful one and go to meet the other. Only to find yourself miles apart again. And to have to ask yourself the tragic question: “what did people do without cell phones?” is doubly depressing. I mean seriously, what did they do? Send a page over the entire airport? Continually journey 15 minutes back and forth between terminals until one of you catches up to the other? As much as I dislike some aspects of technology, I am glad I did not lose hours of sightseeing time busing around the airport.

3) Watching people walk through automatic turning doors at airports is hilarious. The device may be clearly turning when they get in it, yet still they feel the need to push on it with all their might. And the stronger they push, the slower it goes and the more loudly the automated voice says “please do not push on turning door”. But for whatever reason they aren’t listening and they choose to kick the turning door. But the automated voice does not stand for such nonsense and chooses to stop the rotation altogether. Oh people! I simultaneously love to love you and love to laugh at you.

4) Pushing your way onto a plane will not get you there faster. It may get you into a cramped, uncomfortable sitting position faster. But it will not get you where you’re going any faster. But hey, if you want to shoot out of your seat in the waiting area and jockey for position, be my guest. I will continue reading my brilliant book.

5) Which brings me to… Mindy Kaling is brilliant. Okay, I already new that. But if you need confirmation of that fact, just read her book Is everyone hanging out without me? (And other concerns). She is just too awesomely funny.

Okay, technically I suppose the airport has two points since they make all the decisions and I’m just along for the ride. But the fact I met a series of nice employees who let me win even one point is close to a miracle.

As always, I approached the security station with a myriad of “hazardous” things I had no idea were “hazardous”. But unlike the horror stories I’ve heard or experienced where people were forced to eat whole grapefruits while airport attendees watched or forced to toss a whole tub of  Nutella in the trash (liquid? Puh-lease! That is solid chocolate and sugar my friend), my experience was far more civil. The kind employees took pity on me and let me keep my 6oz yogurt! It did have to go through rigorous screening but in the end my double-the-legal-limit yogurt was permitted entrance to New York. My hair spray, unfortunately was not so lucky.

When they invited my suitcase and I over to a special investigation zone I thought they were doing the usual “see, there’s no racial profiling here, look at me a searching the little blond girl” which I am familiar with enduring. (Side note: It’s extra funny when you’re selected for a body pat down while wearing a spandex top and leggings — seriously dude, where do you think I’m hiding something? But I digress…) So, the man unveiled my hairspray that had to hit the trash. That hairspray has lasted me a solid two years though and I was only just starting to get to know my yogurt. So I’ll count my blessings.

1. Swimming just for the sake of splashing around. No laps. No foam wedges between your ankles so you can practice a longer stroke. No needless choking on water. No trying to pass slow swimmers in your lane who speed up as soon as they catch sight of you on their tail and then slow down just to drive you crazy. No time limits. Just swimming as it was meant to be.

2. Warming yourself in the sun.

3. Eating foods that you don’t know what they are but you know they’re really darn tasty.

4. Discovering new things.

5. But especially…spending time with loved ones. Even when they drive you crazy…

My next vacation cannot come soon enough!