Yes indeed, the people I encounter in my line of work never cease to delight and amaze me. I swear sometimes I feel like they’re zoo animals and I just want to stare at them wearing a puzzled expression on my bemused face for hours on end. Tragically, their notions of self-importance rarely allow for such an event to occur. However, after some of their more bizarre requests I will on occasion pause and wait…giving them the opportunity to jump in with “oh my goodness I’m so sorry, I must sound like a nutter” and laugh awkwardly at their hilarity…they don’t.
Now these people can fall into several categories but in the majority of cases they fall into one of two – the narcissistic and the painfully cheap. And today’s character falls into the latter category. But in order for you to really understand the point I’m trying to get across here, I should just lay out the conversation we shared:
*Customer approaches with a nearly empty cup in her hand*
Customer: I would like you to warm up my coffee.
Me: I’m sorry?
Customer: Warm up my coffee.
Me: I’m sorry, we don’t have a device to warm up your coffee. *pause as customer stands there expectantly* I could put more coffee in your cup…*pause*…it would be warm…
Customer: But would that taste good?
Me: Ummm…I could get you a new coffee if you prefer.
Customer: I had a cappuccino.
Me: Oh…okay…would you like me to steam more milk for your cappuccino?
Customer: I don’t think that would taste very good.
Me: Okay then, what can I get for you? (Please note: This was said in a painstakingly nice voice as I tried to grapple with the fact that this woman felt for no particular reason that she was entitled to a freshly made cappuccino for no additional cost – and the fact that a lineup of people was slowly building up behind her did not faze her in the slightest.)
Customer: Can’t you just give me a new one?
Me: Of course.
*Freshly brewed beverage is handed over with a smile and the line could finally continue to move*
At this juncture I think it only right to take the one and only Sesame Street’s Count Von Count approach to this situation and ask you -
If you pay for one coffee – how many coffees should you expect to get?
Now I get it, I work for a very generous company that is willing to give you, the customer, whatever your heart desires and I’m not paid to fight with you, so I won’t. But please, promise me that if you behave like this you at least recognize it and go to sleep thinking “wow, I acted like a real cow today!” I mean, I appreciate the fact that you give me something to giggle about for the rest of my shift, but not every coffee shop worker can laugh off your ridiculousness as easily as I can. So please, check yo’self before you wreck yo’self (or more likely, a less perky employee “accidentally” spills scalding tea water on your face). Just saying…